Small wonder

Children at four years of age are as charming as they are exasperating. Only recently, somewhere in the wilds of Wisconsin a four-year-old called 911 and demanded that the police put his mother in jail. Her crime? Eating his ice-cream, apparently. This is the perfect example of how to be both charming and exasperating simultaneously. (The child, not the mother. Although...).

Up in the village this week, while chomping contentedly on a bowl of 'callos' (it's tripe but it's much better than it sounds), slurping some beer and reading the newspaper (life doesn't any better than that), I was a approached by a local four-year-old boy and asked if I'd like to talk about super heroes. It's not my specialist subject, to be honest, but I could hardly say no, now could I? I leaned in.

"Who's the strongest super hero?"

"Superman."

"Isn't it the Hulk?"

"Yes. Yes. It's the Hulk."

"Who's the richest super hero?"

"Superman."

"Do you know? I think it's Iron Man."

"Yes. Yes. It's Iron Man." (Actually it's Black Panther, it seems).

There was a pattern developing here and so, in order to elicit some correct answers and thus bolster the lad's self-esteem, I changed my questions to things like "Who's got a massive letter 'S' on his chest." and "Who's Clark Kent?" which did the trick, as you can imagine.

However, having exhausted my super hero knowledge within a matter of minutes and looking around for inspiration, I was enjoined by some nearby onlookers to test the little boy on his English. Having clearly mastered the words 'super' and 'man' at such a tender age, I concluded that colours and animals should be a walk in the park. And so it proved. In fact, it was getting a bit boring for all concerned what with all the correct answers and everything. It was time to up the ante.

"Let's learn the longest word in the English language, shall we?"

Pablo nodded the nod of someone who had no idea what he'd just been asked.

"Anti-dises-tablish-ment-arian-ism." (It seems this word has been usurped in recent times by a chemical formula or some such. It would do though.).

"Antidisembubububububabasm."

"It was a sterling effort and brought a roar of approval from the growing crowd. I tried again, more slowly.

"Anti....dises....tablish....ment....arian...ism."

"Anti....disem....bubub....ububub....abasm."

Which was basically the same as before but slower. The spectators were clearly in it for the long haul but enough was enough. I made my excuses and turned back to my paper. Meanwhile, Pablo toddled off high-fiving his fans which was charming.

My bowl of 'callos' was cold, which was exasperating.

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