A farewell to arms

A universally recognised sign is sticking your hand out when you want a bus to stop. Imagine my surprise then, while waiting for the number 25, I was met by an electronic sign enjoining me not to forget to put out an arm if I wanted the bus to pull up

Peter Edgerton

Friday, 28 March 2025, 11:21

There are certain universal signs recognised by everyone to mean very specific things. For example, if a business has its shutter pulled three-quarters of the way down, everybody in Western Christendom knows that it's not open to the public. (This didn't stop somebody ducking under such a shutter at the pub a while ago expecting to be attended to like a cultural attaché. When, in fact, he was asked to make his enquiry brief and to the point, he responded by taking offence and posting a badly written one star review on Trip Advisor. That's right - it seems you can be lambasted on public platforms for not doing your job to Joe Egg's satisfaction even when you're closed. Cool.)

Another universally recognised sign is sticking your hand out when you want a bus to stop. Imagine my surprise then when, a few days ago, while waiting for the number 25, I was met by an electronic sign - bright red no less - enjoining me not to forget to put out an arm if I wanted the bus to pull up. When I first glanced at its melodramatic vermillion hue, I thought it must be to tell us that the scheduled vehicle had spontaneously combusted or something - 'Your bus has inexplicably imploded. We're sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused, etc.' Then I thought maybe it was this particular bus stop and that the locals had never been properly schooled in public transport etiquette for some reason or another. But no, these notices have sprung up all over Malaga. Why?

Well, I suppose it's possible that people have fallen out of love with the old raised-arm technique lately and have perhaps been offering a seductive swivel of the hips or a pair of faintly raised eyebrows instead, thus confusing more traditional bus drivers everywhere.

It might also be that waiting passengers are so engrossed in level 146 of Candy Crush that they simply don't notice the buses flying by the, er, bus stop.

I have a confession to make here. I once failed to ring the bell on a bus, thus missing my stop and obliging the driver to drive back out of the station and plonk me where I needed to be. There were mitigating circumstances, however – I was six years old and it was my first solo trip. Nevertheless, a chorus of 'you only had one job' haunted me into early middle age.

And there I think we have our answer. These signs telling grown adults to stick their arm out if they want a bus to stop are merely one step more in the gradual infantilisation of society. Let's get tough, people - anyone who fails to raise an arm to stop a bus deserves to walk home.

Now then, don't forget to put this paper away safely when you've finished reading it, and don't - under any circumstances - roll it up into a stick and beat yourself heartily about the head with it. I do hope they print that last bit in bright red.

www.peteredgerton.com

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