Caballero

Yes, our colleague was at your address this morning, sir, to collect the apparatus, as arranged.

Im sorry, he definitely wasnt. I know because I didnt leave the house. In fact, I changed my plans just to wait in for him.

Its written here - he was at your address this morning.

No he wasnt. And lets just say that even if he was, he didnt bother to ring the (very loud) door bell.

I cant tell you any more than that, Im afraid. He was there. Its written down here.

(Deep sigh) Honestly, he wasnt. Er, anyway, my mobile number was on the delivery slip wasnt it? Why didnt he call that?

Caballero [this word means Sir or Gentleman in Spanish but is only ever used as a sort of indirect insult when someone knows theyre banged to rights but cant admit it], our delivery men cant call every customer who doesnt answer the doorbell.

Why not?

CABALLERO!! I cant help you. Goodbye. (Hangs up).

Its always very odd when youre faced with a business which seems to do the very opposite of what its supposed to and you wonder how it has survived so long. If your job is to deliver parcels, I would have thought that calling the customer on arrival would be one of the basic practices necessary. Apparently not. If the customer doesnt hear the bell (probably because the delivery man rang the wrong one), he then has to go to the company offices to rectify the situation which is basically defeating the object of a delivery company, I think.

It happens in telecommunications too. If you phone a mobile company but end up speaking to the wrong department, they very often cant (wont) transfer your call.

But youre one of the biggest communication companies in the world and you cant communicate with your sister department. Why not? Its absurd.

Were simply not able to do that Im afraid.

But please explain to me - why not?

CABALLEROOO!! (Hangs up).

Delivery companies that dont deliver, communication monoliths that dont communicate, whatever next?

I know - a pub with no beer. I think we should do that down at The Shakespeare just to see what happens.

Hello, Ill have a pint, please.

Sorry sir - no beer today but weve got some really tasty fruit juices.

But I really want a pint of lager, please.

Sorry, sir. No lager. Camomile tea?

No - a pint. Please. Its a pub for Gods sake.

Over-priced energy drink?

This is ridiculous, you fool - Im leaving.

Wait, no, come back, sir... sir... CABALLEROOO!!