When the fear of old age prevents us from enjoying it

He had just turned 36 when the writer Gustave Flaubert discovered he was old. Three months before she committed suicide, at just 58, Virginia Woolf wrote in her diary that she detested the harshness of old age. We live in a society where being young seems to be the desirable model. We avoid our elders as if their condition had become a contagious disease. We forget that those who manage to overcome the race against time will go through that stage. French journalist Laure Adler has published The Night Traveler (Ariel). At 72, she reflects on the stereotypes and prejudices surrounding old age. Some of her insights and the opinions of two psychologists will help dispel preconceived ideas, although perhaps it would be more practical to heed Elias Canetti when, when asked when one is considered old, he replied, "from tomorrow."

Rosa Zamborán (psychologist): "Age is not a feeling; it is real. It is reflected in our bodies, but how we age is determined by our attitude. There are young people who feel old and vice versa. Society dictates what we are allowed to do based on our birth certificates, but life expectancy is increasing, and older people have stopped staying at home. It is essential to maintain enthusiasm, to have projects: to walk, to nurture hobbies and friendships, to travel (she is retired and just returned after a year of backpacking in South America). If health permits, it is a perfect time to do what responsibilities once hindered."

Manuel Nevado ((psychologist and professor at the Universidad Alfonso X): "Ageing can never be a defect and much less a misfortune; it is an unequivocal reality of being human. The only way not to age is to die. We begin to age physiologically and cognitively around 34; if we were aware of this, perhaps this perspective would change. Ageing requires a process of adaptation and coping, working through life losses, opening and closing stages, integrating changes, and enhancing positive aspects. Stopping cognitive symptoms, dementia, is impossible, no matter how much money or power you have; just look at the examples of Ronald Reagan or Bruce Willis."

Zamborán: "Age, gender, and economic discrimination are clear. We live in a capitalist model that glorifies youth. We are determined to hide old age; there is an industry that influences us to feel ashamed of wrinkles, of our bodies... We must love ourselves as we are. Women are held to higher standards, but thanks to feminism, many are learning to accept themselves; I love seeing white hair on the streets, grey hair free of chemical products. But yes, being an old woman is less forgivable than being an old man."

Nevado: "There is no scientific evidence for that feeling; the assertion may be based on social awareness or perception rather than reality. This trend is changing, even among famous couples like Macron and his wife, Piqué and Shakira... By the way, it would be advisable to use the term 'older person'; we must learn to care for our language in the same way as with other groups."

Zamborán: "I think it's a myth to associate old age with wisdom. Wisdom does not come with age; there are people who do not learn despite the passage of time. Those who learn are the ones who want to and are interested in doing so. Moreover, there are different types of knowledge; we must ask ourselves what kinds of knowledge are valued in today's society."

Nevado: "Dying is a natural process in our lives. No one tiptoes into palliative care; rather, they are accompanied by loved ones and teams that facilitate farewells, helping to find meaning and peace."

Zamborán: "That depends on each person. The years go by and are noticeable; there are physical limits, but attitude is crucial and is shaped by life experiences and how you have positioned yourself in relation to them. Some people struggle with ageing, while others integrate it as a natural process. You account for yourself and your loved ones, who sometimes limit you with their fears. 'What if you get sick?' is a repeated phrase when I travel alone, but risk should not paralyse you because it is part of life at any age."

Nevado: "Both older and younger people are highly stereotyped groups with a high risk of exclusion. To combat this, we need to promote programmes and actions that bring them closer together. There are dozens of intergenerational experiences, volunteer programs, shared housing between older adults and university students, mentoring, and advisory roles between retired professionals and young people starting their careers..."